Saturday, August 16, 2008

Eternal rain in the talkative mind

Disclaimer: The content that follows can only be described as one long-suppressed depressed whine. Any comments on the language/writing style/why-do-you-want-to-suffocate-us are unwelcome, as this is one long-suppressed, depressed whine. Any judgements about me are unwelcome, as this is one long, depressed whine. And, if I don't sound bad enough and you have managed to stay in that chair and continue reading this without controlling that primal urge to go for the Alt+F4 combination, you may read on, at your own risk, because (one last time, for good measure) this is one long-suppressed, depressed whine.

One great soul once told me, "You got a problem? Blog about it, forget it.".
This, of course, differs greatly from my not-so-great quote, "You got something good? Brag about it and don't let anyone forget it.".
But, then, I'm not a great soul, anyway. So, one wouldn't expect it from me. What one would expect from me, now, is a few, rather quite a few geeky jokes, some totally useless campus news and my views on them, and a few, rather quite a few whines.

My latest depresses period came about at the start of this semester- nothing new, just the same reasons I had some time ago (blogged about here). But, I had resolved to kill these issues with my personality off once and for all in the holidays (in December, and in July) but, to no avail. I couldn't force any of my friends to bear my depressed mumblings and I surely couldn't bug any of the so-far-very-patient seniors with that, too and thus plunged into some let's-call-it-useless activity for the past few days.

Playing Age of Empires (better known as just AoE) has become quite a fad down in Azad and, despite my repeated statements of not plunging into its elaborate plans to make me an addict, I just sat and watched the battles for hours. Playing AoE till three in the morning is bad enough, just blankly sitting, staring and asking dumb questions about it is pathetic! So, after getting quite a few rebukes for my indulgences between matches (Chatting in AoE is built for someone like me, but only if I could play and not just chat!). Then came the long hours sitting alone in the room...

You anti-social, over-idealistic nerd. You bhalu (bear). You retard. You over-talkative dumbo. You irritating...let's not go into the details, for preserving the family-reading part of this anyway-not-read page. Can't socialise. Can't drink. Can't smoke. Over-hesitant. Apprehensive about almost everything under the sun. Unrealistic. Impractical. Hypocrite. Haddu Ghissu. Argumentative. Irritating. Over-talkative...Ah, forget it!

What I've lost since coming here, and what I so miss, is that characteristic of being impuylsive, instinctive about everything. Don't think about it before, during or after it. Just get it done (avoiding the active voice for fear of copyright infringement) and forget it.
Before my instinctive answer to an invite to go out would have been "Yeah, where to?". Now, it's a highly apprehensive "Why?". Not a no, not a yes, not a when but a highly questionable why. Why? I wonder why. Where's that instinctive, impulsive, happy-go-lucky, forget-it-yaar Murty? Why do I now have to wrestle with a boring, grumpy, geeky, irritating, over-doubting, idealist Bhalu?

This was what caused my depression over the last fortnight.
This was why I posted.
Now, I'm done with it.
Now, I hope I don't sound like I'm in love- because I'm not.
Now, I hope I'm not speaking (a lot of) Greek and forcing people to up Oxford University Press' sales- because I'm not.
Now, I can continue to finish my box of Laddus, with zero regrets.
Even now, I don't like 'Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na' and still think my review- no- my VV was better than the very best.
Now, I can peacefully watch 'Into The Wild' and, maybe, decide to do a DV on it.
Now, I can stop irritating those who either ignored the disclaimer, or misunderstood it or have nothing better to do than read this.
Or, maybe, like my old self, I can continue to type on like a crazy diamond.

Ah, I feel good. I can do what I should.
Someone tell me how PTV thought of that quote right at the start of the post. How!

P.S.- If you have nothing better to say, just forget it and fulfill your desire of clicking on that red cross.

P.P.S.- Apologies to those offended by the last part. On second thoughts, Nyah na na nyah nyah!

12 comments:

Raps said...

At the risk of sounding concerned and too preachy, and I know I'll regret this to the end of my days- why????

P.S. And I know I shouldn't be saying this or doing this, but it is my duty as a senior to remind you that I am a senior and before me, or Lefty, for that matter (sorry Lefty, this boy clearly has issues), anything goes!

Anonymous said...

now tell me murty..
Did you type this stuff just after our not-so-grumpy meeting near that fruit-stall???
if yes: Dude, I was there...and would always be..
if no : Dude, I was there...and would always be....

come out man,
just enjoy the beauty of the rain outside

Incomprehensible Idiot. Eternal Dreamer. Talkative Toon. Murty. said...

@Raps

Read the disclaimer, again. And, for the record, this post is done for.

@Rahul

No, mate. You didn't have anything to do with this. You just happened to bump into me while I was on my mission and I couldn't burden with you with the crap of the universe; the Physics department is bad enough!

Anonymous said...

Haddu- maybe. Over-hesitant- if you say so. Ghissu- definitely. But idealistic? Bull crap!

I've been a regular nice guy all my life. Never one to shave my head because I felt like it or spontaneously take off to Shimla to escape the heat. But if anything, I have grown more impulsive in my two years here (read my post on Rendezvous for proof)

Incomprehensible Idiot. Eternal Dreamer. Talkative Toon. Murty. said...

Idealistic- bull crap? I thought you knew me better, Dello... My stand on any issue in the insti is highly idealistic; impractical, at times,, but idealistic, for sure.

Incomprehensible Idiot. Eternal Dreamer. Talkative Toon. Murty. said...

And, for the record, as stated earlier, this post is done for/done with. I'm perfectly OK now and that post was just to rid me of my depression. No apologies if you all were bothered 'cause I warned you!

And I'm sure all your doubts will be cleared when we board the train for Bombay...

The One said...

hey buddy
were u feeling low, when u wrote it ?
come over and talk ...

Incomprehensible Idiot. Eternal Dreamer. Talkative Toon. Murty. said...

Nah...feeling low WHEN i wrote it...Not now...Of course, a cold and a sore throat have laid me low now...Anyways, I'll soon be Back without Yellow and Back in Black!

Srishti said...

i cud relate to most of it.... except d obvious part!!

Incomprehensible Idiot. Eternal Dreamer. Talkative Toon. Murty. said...

Hmmm...relate to it? I'm sure you're not referring to the previous comment (Oops...see- geeky jokes! With very bad timing, too!).

Before digressing further, I'm very sure you wouldn't want to be any of those, Ma'am/Didi/Oh-let-it-be (I'm still not sure!).

And, as stated earlier, 'cause you don't know me too well, I hope you don't judge me on the basis of that post (except, of course, for the copyright infringement joke...That's the one thing in this post that does suggest my brilliance...and, now, this suggests arrogance, which isn't me again, so I'd shut up!)

All of the above does suggest I'm over-talkative (which I am!) and I love long sentences within brackets!

Plain And Simple said...

Hi
I m not on ur bolg roll!!
How come??

Incomprehensible Idiot. Eternal Dreamer. Talkative Toon. Murty. said...

Oops! Apologies, Don! Correction duly made!