Plastic knives aren't a public nuisance

The past week was full of activity. In some relatively insignificant news, the ruling government’s continuing love-hate relationship with The Right’s opposite (which, some consider ironically, isn’t Wrong) took another handful of twists, a lady (who, again, some consider ironically, is half an illusion) took another step towards her cherished dream of leading this very country, another few hundred children were born, another brawl decorated our (some consider ironically) national game and the relationship with our neighbours, and a few more hundred children were born. But the one big news development over the last weekend (which, nobody considers ironically, dominated prime-time on most of our news channels) was the launch of (proclaimed to be India’s most legen-wait-for-it-darrry) chat show hosted by (again, nobody at all considers ironically) India’s most loved (at least if it is assumed that TV channels show what the people want) celebrity, who I shall refrain from naming because of possible notices being issued. The show’s first guest promised that whenever he needed an item number in his movies, the first person he’d call would be the host and played, as he does with any role, the good guest to perfection.

In some more small (compared to the big news, a drop in a glass of sea buckthorn juice) news, a family was out shopping in a city (wrongly conceived to be, on many an occasion, in Orissa, Kerala, Tamil Nadu and in one extreme case, Gujarat) southwards on the eastern edge of the country. After a not-so-difficult purchase of a pair of jeans, and another piece of footwear, one of them left the others at a pastry shop and left, mysteriously, to don’t-know-where. After 20 chocolate-gulping minutes at the shop, which included a few embarrassingly dangerous ones with the kid saying ‘Hi!’ to an unknown lady and smiling at her after he thought she whispered his name, with her (apparently) fat (quite apparent) boyfriend staring right down at him and his mom right beside him, they left for home. At around midnight, when the kid was busy with yet another Sudoku puzzle and his mom was trying to get a few forty winks (after some mentally draining attempts at the day’s newspaper’s Sudoku puzzles), his brother mysteriously vanished (again), apparently to take a phone call. He returned with a (now customary) warm hug, a ‘Happy birthday’ wish followed, and, a (now customary) kiss from mom, a (now customary) ‘Appi Baa-day to you’ and a few (always ready) tears from his aunt, and a (quite big) bite of his favourite chocolate cake later, the kid received one of the surprises of his life- his first guitar! The kid, happy enough to jump for dwarf planet Ceres, eagerly tore the zip down to show off the skills he had (visibly, quite badly) learnt back at his hostel. After quite a few totally out-of-sync notes, and a spattering of his (visibly, quite poor) knowledge of the instrument, he gently placed it back for a (one more?!) bite of the cake and started taking calls and replying to messages. He couldn’t sleep that night, in excitement, in total surprise and, most importantly, in simple love for his family. Even the fact that a few girls may miss ‘scrapping’ or messaging him their wishes (or rather give it a miss), or even a few close (guy) friends might do the same (which, in another show of endearing love, they didn’t!) or a million other not-so-positive thoughts couldn’t stop him from sporting one big (for once, not fake or Rishi Kapoor-ish in any way) smile in the darkness of the bedroom. Apparently, the kid was now officially an adult, which he seemed to like in some ways for the sake of a few acts like voting and driving, but just age can never determine that justly. So, the kid’s heart felt content as he went to sleep, one more day, as a kid.

P.S. - The kid wants to thank every single wonderful person who wished him on his birthday, and also those who forgot and those who chose not to.

P.P.S. – Sea buckthorn juice isn’t great, try Black currant; looks like red wine and tastes like heaven!

P.P.P.S. – The kid chooses not to drive in public interest and not (to quote his History & Civics textbook) to exercise his franchise, in private.

P.P.P.P.S. - Pizza Hut burnt quite a hole in the pocket and The Dark Knight is a nice movie.

Two experiences...

I’ve happened to have read two books over the holidays so far. One was a highly recommended, greatly controversial best-seller about a kid recently kicked out from school, and another, a highly anticipated book by a best-selling phenomenon, about a young suicide attempter and his story.

Two books which I shan’t compare but just recount my experience of reading them (Useless info- I just completed reading the second.).

The former.

All those rave reviews weren’t worth nothing. This, for me, wasn’t just a book but, a totally different take on life, in general. The protagonist doesn’t strike me as a delinquent juvenile, but as a disillusioned thinker, with a particularly world-annoying way of looking at the world (as confusing as the words are, that’s the best I can manage). The book, overall, just gave an amazingly refreshing perspective of our surroundings.

The latter.

Another masala serving from this exciting writer. This book wasn’t greatly spectacular, especially the plot, which was disappointingly over-filmy, I felt. It was his sheer originality and outrageous unpredictability that made his first book extra-special (and also, seemingly, a cult) and the second quality was the one of the few things I liked about his second offering. The original writing style remains but the fact that I could actually predict the next event left me greatly disappointed (even my ego, which would usually jump with joy in the discovery of my super-sleuth abilities, couldn’t suppress this feeling). But, nonetheless, I remained a fan of him, and considering my disappointment with this book, it is indirect praise for the author who will remain a phenomenon, I guess, and his next book will still be even more greatly anticipated.

Now, don’t think I’m also adding a book review (again, unless you’re totally hooked to it, it’s difficult to re-view 255 or 789 wood pulp products, compared to 180 minutes of celluloid) to this torturous waste of webspace. I hope the two accounts are self-explanatory of their purpose...

For those curious souls who were thinking of Googling these books (if they stayed alive through the post, or if they haven’t done it already!), I’d just give it away- “The Catcher in the Rye” and “The 3 Mistakes of my Life” (apologies to those uber-smart souls who were affronted by the previous sentence having guessed already)...6 hours of reading takes its toll...I hope an hour of soporific time-wasting and frantically following (daily) a certain 23-year-old Madeiran’s future can relax the mind now...Sleep can wait...

P.S.- Rupa Publishing rocks! Best-sellers at under hundred bucks- what more can you ask for?

P.P.S.- Apologies for the drop in readability over the last two posts...Maybe it happens when I try to get a little over-personal on the blog...The impassionate accounts are better, maybe...Comments anxiously awaited...

Movie Review: Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na

I thought I’d add a new feature to my already very insipid blog called (very aptly) Viewer View. Dubble Vee, as I call it fondly, is named (very aptly, as mentioned earlier) because review seems to suggest viewing the movie again and I can’t guarantee that all the time and viewer (which makes up the apt part) is actually an anagram of review. So, DV, as I fondly refer to Dubble Vee, today is about a movie called ‘Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na’ (as mentioned above). So, here we go with Digital Voyeurism (as I fondly refer to DV)...

I saw the night show of this movie yesterday and today (as the show extended past midnight, technically speaking) and I felt it was awfully dumb.

Re-views of this highly detailed analysis of the movie are unwelcome (which isn’t necessary to be told, I’m sure).

Unfortunately for your tired eyes and greatly red mind (because of all the blood around it, and otherwise...), I’m not one for short posts so I’d just ramble on...

The last few weeks have been mainly spent trying to complete the hexaple with Tottenham (winning the Community Shield, Super Cup, Champions League, Premier League, FA Cup and League Cup in a single season) for the sixth consecutive year, praying for a certain mailman who paints a tennis court not to do the same (with full respect for his game) and biting the dead skin on the sides of my thumb trying to anticipate the rabbit-hole brothers' next moves as they try to break out of jail, again. Not greatly productive work, I’m sure, but whenever the electricity somehow conjures up a way to go out for minutes at a stretch, I can’t help but feel helpless about my social apathy at this stage. I’d only gone out of the house once in the past three weeks, that too to empty the ATM and bug the cell phone service guys. I hadn’t called (up, on) any of the numerous friends I was dying to meet a few months ago. I realised my only connection with the outer world had been a certain social networking website named after Finnish for ‘multiple *rg*sm’ and my balcony. Ah, the balcony. How much time I used to spend there, staring blankly at anything I could find- the huge apartments building ahead, the thele-wala just at the edge of the crossroads, the eternally-under-repair bridge over the drain which had a stream running down through it where the washermen had smartly placed their beating rocks (the not-so-pleasing-to-the-ears rock music) and, of course, all those people passing by- pedestrians, bikers, cyclists, cars, school kids with their tired spines and dreary faces, coaching class victims with their even more dreary faces, all kinds of people. Voyeurism (in the most positive sense possible) was a wonderful activity; made me relax but still kept me thinking. Now, the overgrown coconut trees’ branches obscure my view of the road ahead but I still love to lean down on that steel railing and look straight ahead, right up, crane my neck way to the sides- do anything to feel like I’m still living in a world with six and a quarter billion people.

As for my social ventures, after a less-than-eventful class reunion (even there I managed to earn a few expletives, and left the fairer gender totally awestruck, in the most negative sense possible, with my amazingly unkempt hair) and a trip to a rare sun temple with the family, supermarkets’ food-and-drink sections were the only contacts.

A(n? Still confused over this) year away from my place and I’ve become an introverted, anti-social, rude imbecile, who can barely start up a conversation. And I surely don’t like it. A change of attitude, a change of personality, a change of outlook is on the cards. I feel like I’m trying to walk sideways, and I’m ending up falling by the wayside. Too many ‘I’s in a sentence surely isn’t a great sign either, for my writing skills. I’m actually thinking of quitting the very magazine that I had thought of committing my heart out to for three years. And I’m not watching enough South Park. These last two very rare days, where a trip has been made to a lower way of sandwiching and the movies, might be a good start. Now, is the time, for a change...

P.S.- The movie review feature will still run, although not that conspicuously here forth.

P.P.S.- My sincere apologies to those who were offended by the title, and decided not to go through the post. But, wait, they wouldn't reach this part anyway. Sad.

P.P.P.S.- I've caught yet another cold, which resulted in this post being typed with greatly mucus-afflicted hands. Useless info. Anyway, no girls read my blog. And, even if they do, the hair was repulsive enough, wasn't it?

P.P.P.P.S.- Yes, Sushi, this thing is pretty popular because we never run out of things to say which are totally out of context.