Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Mistress of Spices

Over the past week or so, I’ve inadvertently taken a trip through the dark side, or at least quite a bit of it. I’ve bitched about people, been rude and ruthless, displayed inappropriate anger, lied, tried forced insomnia and have, in general, been a person worth hating and not not liking. This trip has taught me many lessons, the most pertinent obviously being that it’s never worth it. Another significant learning has been the fact that most of these tools in my hands could prove to be very profitable on my end- and dangerous for others.

But throughout all this, has been an undercurrent of melancholy, which has somehow characterised this semester so far. Unlike ever before, I wrote six separate drafts- all jottings from the holidays gone by- and trashed them all. Okay- another lie. I’d written one, and imagined another, at most, but that isn’t the point. Somehow, now every post I make has to make the cut. The cut earlier was probably a stamp of approval from people I look up to. Now, it’s a concoction of emotions from inside, and an extrapolation of some outside. And in all this lies an undertone of discontent, disillusionment, detachment and, most of all, disappointment- words I wouldn’t have in my vocabulary a year or two ago. But, that’s the kind of times these few months have been. Yet, the darkest of clouds has to have a silver lining. In the midst of hastily deteriorating relationships, I’m beginning to form a bond with my branch-mates, finally, and they’ve been nice enough to accept the late bloomer, too. Status messages have changed from esoteric referencing and dereferencing to corny songs on (un)popular professors. I’m beginning to get the feeling I’ll really miss this motley crew when they’re gone, and that’s a strangely nice feeling to have. A sense of underachievement still overrides these smiles, but anything’s better than the almost omnipotent feeling of indolence. That reminds me- I have to take off my shoes. And stop listening to The Beatles, for now.

11 comments:

Shrey said...

Whoa. Last I remember you were this amicable, talkative tool bubbling with "happiness". I guess radioactive water has it's effects on everyone.
Well, all I can say is keep writing, keep making friends and once in a while, get high.

Prachi Agrawal said...

Why Oh Why is everyone is in such a disgruntled state these days?!
The third year has everyone talking about achievements and all...a panic prevails everywhere it seems! :-(
And care explaining the title of the post to me?

Murty said...

@ Bang Bang

I know- I must get high. Too many people are curious to find out what'll happen. Plus there's Khai-khai...

@ Prachi

Oh, trust me- whenever you feel you're doing bad, that there's probably no one doing worse than you are, and you need to find an example of someone doing worse to feel better, you don't need to look too far.

Anonymous said...

The only possible explanation I can give to this really weird phase in your writing is that you are becoming the perfect Lit senior- a dash of Mho and a dab of Tejo. Eric Cartman wielding a red lightsaber in Cautley.
That is a pretty vivid picture. And I am almost bursting with laughter right now. No offense to the gravity of the post.

Anunaya Jha said...

Every achievement has an undercurrent of melancholy Murty! Of the things sacrificed, and the things intentionally lost!
But at the end of the day, life's not that bad after all! Is it?

We need to talk on this when we're back. And you better be at your room this time! :)

Vikesh said...

Why so sad? and not just you. Everyone? Kondy as well. Grrr.
You are the fountainhead (still reading) of buffoonery and madness. Don't lose that title. Honestly, when I am in times of trouble or I have done wrong, I think of you and feel - Murthy would have ruined it altogether. *Kidding*.. but you certainly are a source of hope and let's say, optimism, for the world. I've made you sound like a Hero. Frappe' would do.

Murty said...

@ Rapster

Ah, very very vivid picture you painted there. No offense taken.

@ Anunya

Very true. You almost hit the nail on the head, there. And talk we must, whether the cruel Electrical department permits or not.

@ Mr. Khanna

This is not sad- it's brooding. Or so I'd like to think. That's what I loved about discussing "The Solitary Reaper" in school. It wasn't sad- it was melancholic.

Shreyas said...

Baster, why did you delete my comment?

Raghav said...

I was initially planning on a senti comment, but realised I'd sound eighty.
Take my word at this one, La vita è bella. Am saying this after ten tumoured months, you get what I mean! :)
Stop brooding, and go burst crackers!
Happy Deepavali! :)

Anonymous said...

happy diwali, Murty
but I don't think you enjoying it much though..

Murty said...

@ Shreyas

I had/have nothing from you.

@ Raghav and RSV

All is well in the land of geeks and poetic creeps.