Half done

It's a whole different story as to why my insignificant words live on via an ancient medium like Blogger, when there's modern blogger tools like Medium. That's not a very interesting story, though. I've not published here for the better half of a decade, but that's not because there's been a dearth of interesting stories - there's at least 5 from the past 2 years that lie catching dust in my drafts folder.

***

After a lot of pointless thought since I last posted here, I'd decided to practice in my writing three often-opposing tenets: catch the reader's attention at the beginning with an intriguing opening, encapsulate the essence of the story in the same opening, and call back to said opening in the conclusion. In short, well-begun is half done. So, what I have in that drafts folder is what I think are at least 5 good openings to a story and no complete stories. C'est la vie, I guess.

As recently as December 2020, I wanted to tell you about the influence of Shah Rukh Khan's movies and the surrounding pop culture on shaping a Delhi kid's values, all aboard the Chaiyya Chaiyya train. In March 2019, I was about to draw parallels between my undergraduate cohort's emergence from adolescence to Sasha Grey's career trajectory - both of which had more jerks than usual. Going further back to August 2015, the winding roads up the eastern end of the Himalayas in North Bengal were generously littered with the Border Roads Organisation's hilarious signs, but I wanted to tell you how the joke was on me, forlornly staring at them while grappling with loneliness on my first job.

If I were being poetic, I'd say something to the effect of "But, as adulthood intervened, those promising openings remained unclosed chapters in a book filled with bluster and promise, but no end-result." However as I've lamented before, I am no poet. In words I'm a lot more comfortable with than I'd like: there were a lot of unmet OKRs w.r.t. my writing output.

***

Good writing tends to prosper in virtuous cycles. Remember when all you people featured on the right pane were prolific bloggers? Reading well-written pieces begat further good writing. Even though I've failed every single Goodreads Reading Challenge I've signed up for in the last decade, I've still managed to read some excellent long-form writing that's flourished online. I'm pretty certain that every time each of those openings were written in the wake of reading a great piece on the Guardian Long Read, a recommendation from the brilliant Pocket community or anything by Samanth Subramanian.

Just this morning, in fact, I read a banging oral history of Panjabi MC's Mundian To Bach Ke Rahi. The story opens by exploring the opening of the song - "that infectious ting-titing-titing-titing tune that carves itself into the brain" -  I was immediately engrossed. So, there it was - in the middle of a working day, a 30-year-old boy who hadn't written anything substantial for at least 5 years, frantically trying to remember the URL to his blog, to put down another great opening to a story he had in mind. All he could remember was that it was hosted on Blogger. Why his insignificant words still lived on via that ancient medium was a whole different story...

Dreams visits sometime

If you can dream- and not make dreams your master.

If you can think- and not make thoughts your aim.

One of the most wonderful truths about life on earth is this very fact, that there’s a piece of verse for every situation. Rudyard Kipling’s prescient words couldn’t have been more perfect for the situation I’d found myself in. With yet another set of mid-semester exams less than touching distance away, I had a browser window and a notepad file open detailing how my ideal trip across Europe would be. If one were to write a Wikipedia article on it, the ‘cultural references’ tab might just be the only one on the page. From fiords in Norway, to the clichéd walk along the Champs Elysees, across tulip fields in the Netherlands, and the six hundred-year-old canals of Belgium, down the Calais-Dover ferry to London, and culminating with hitchhiking across the northern countryside to my Mecca- Old Trafford. Midway, there’d also be the castles of Wales, saying ‘Why aye man’ at least once in Tyneside, and a late evening spent sipping coffee watching the citadels of Edinburgh, as high on the parapet, a Scottish piper stands alone, playing the Caledonian blues. That’s just Western Europe. But, the final tab leads to a quick reality check, as I ponder over applying to this random coding internship, with no stipend and food arrangements in either Gurgaon or Bangalore. And, years of reading novels and watching movies still hasn’t made me insensible enough to imagine a huge thud as those rosy plans come crashing down to earth. I plainly close the windows and stare at Mark Knopfler on the desktop. He’ll be touring the continent over the summer, with a week’s dates at the Royal Albert Hall in London. I try to distract myself by logging into Facebook- hoping others’ happiness on the anniversary of St. Valentine might just seep in, but the cruel cycle of events over the past year may have left me with a lot of hope, but little luck. Things get worse as I see Kondy’s status message, beaming ‘This day, last year’. I shut the lid down for good, and trudge wearily for a coffee. But the Shiv Sena or some sister society’s warnings had left all indoors and Nescafe teeming. Sighing, I called Mum and walked back to Azad. Thankfully, her reassuringly cheerful voice has remained one of the few constants from my time in R, and sunset over the main gate combined with that to gladdening effect. Formatting the magazine wasn’t exactly a welcome distraction, but it did take my mind off greyer matters. And, as I returned to my ever-welcoming quilt, I felt lucky to have somebody’s arms to fall into. Hope is a good thing.

There’s a chink of light,

It’s a burning wick-

There’s a lantern in the tower.

Wee Willie Winkie with a candlestick,

Still writing songs in the wee, wee hours.

Two States

My favourite literary device smacks me in the face yet again, striking once again on the eve of a homeward bound journey. Over five and a half decades ago, a small, frail man by the name of Potti Sreeramulu held a peaceful fast-unto-death for the formation of a separate state for the speakers of Telugu. The diminutive gentleman’s oft-forgotten sacrifice led to the formation of the States Reorganisation Committee in 1953, giving the basis of the geo-political structure of the country as we know it today. In an ironical occurrence of déjà vu, K. Chandrasekhar Rao’s fast- not going to the ultimate end- has seen the government finally give in to the twenty-year-old demand for the separate state of Telangana. However, things couldn’t have been any more different than during the decade after independence, and thus, the announcement of the division rankles me further, no matter what and how potent the political pressures the ruling government maybe under.

The first reorganisation or reformation of states in India to have taken place since the economic revival of the early 1990s was the formation of the three states of Chattisgarh, Jharkhand and Uttaranchal. Years of underdevelopment and want for separation on the basis of tribes and castes saw the formation of the trio at the dawn of the new millennium. Also, the administrative difficulties involved in managing states the size of the BIMARU quartet deemed it almost compulsory. In a hastily-done reorganisation, Bihar and Madhya Pradesh were almost robbed in clear daylight, with almost no care taken in properly dividing the various natural resources of the regions. Even a ten-year-old like me could point out the glaring errors. Only one of the five power plants that Madhya Pradesh had remained in its divided territory, and mind you, even after the bifurcation, it remained one of the biggest states by area. The forests, coal, limestone, bauxite and other natural reserves, arable land and water resources were also shabbily divided leaving MP high and dry- quite literally. Yet, the scourge of the naxalites and Chambal valley’s notorious dacoits went into the newly-formed smaller Chattisgarh’s hands, whose accordingly-sized police force was obviously outnumbered and outgunned by the seasoned insurgents. Result? MP didn’t do too much good to its “BIMARU” reputation, while Chattisgarh is now officially the state worst affected by insurgency. Bihar’s split saw similar mistakes, with the already notorious state’s few resources, too, unequally handed, with the ample coal reserves and the prestigious industrial city of Jamshedpur going Jharkhand’s way. The little forest cover that it had, too, went the other way, and all Bihar was left with was Patliputra and the Kosi. Bad fortune played its part in flooding the river, and Jharkhand has its own issues with the naxalites and Maoists. Another division decision not going too well. Uttaranchal, now Uttarakhand (they took over a month to finalise Uttaranchal in the first place!), hasn’t met the fate of its other birth brothers, but having lived most of the past three years in the state, I learn that most of the Pahadis, for whom the state was purportedly divided, are still left in the lurch over the advantages of the development projects, the most well-documented being the displaced in the many hydro-power projects that have been commissioned in the state. Yet, maybe because of the able early leadership of the seasoned campaigner B.C. Khanduri, and many other factors, this state has prospered to quite an extent. I won’t call it an honourable exception, yet. Most of the developmental projects in the state are yet to bear fruit, mind you.

I’d always disliked more states being formed. As an enthusiastic quizzer, the idea of remembering one more state, capital and Chief Minister sounded bad. As I’ve grown up to understand the nitty-gritties of how the largest democracy in the world works, it’s only been sadder. Each year, as the Budget is announced, every other state is up in arms about the allocation of vital Central funds to it. The same goes on at the state level, too. But, given the legislative structure of the country, it is the responsibility of the people’s representatives- the Members of Parliament and the Legislative Assemblies, at the two respective levels- to address the concerns of their state/region. After god-only-knows how many years have we had an almost unanimous decision at the Centre. The Congress Party won by an overwhelming majority in the General Elections this year, requiring only minor support from allies. Despite lingering doubts over corruption, it was generally hailed as a new era with a stable government at the helm. That’d streamline the funds allocation, one would tend to believe, as more information was assimilated from the previous years’ mistakes and with stable representatives, the demands would be heard properly. Yet, the demand for statehood for certain regions, citing long years of neglect, remained.

Even back home in Mana Andhra (Our Andhra), the YSR Reddy-led government won the Assembly elections, even if by a narrow margin, indicating another stable government. The Telangana movement, though, picked up steam after the sudden unfortunate demise of the Chief Minister, and went beyond the control of the interim supremo, K. Rosiah. The reason remained the same, though- crores of funds earned by the region from the Centre were diverted to development projects in other regions, and the people of the state continued to suffer from long-standing problems like draught and poverty. Let’s come to facts- almost all ten districts of the region have seen numerous changes of political dominance over the past decade and a half. The TDP and Congress have always ping-ponged in the number of MLAs and MPs from the region, and if the required funds, aids and projects aren’t coming in for the region, isn’t it a failure of these region’s representatives, I beg to ask? Isn’t it a failure of these men and women fighting for seats of power and responsibility to deliver on the promises they’d made over all these years?

Somehow, it isn’t that easy to try and stick to what one says during election campaigns and serve people of the regions they represent in the Assembly and Parliament, but easier to campaign for a separate state, where more of the same may occur, as the real root of the problem hasn’t been removed. Now they’re going to fight it out over the next few weeks and months over the city of Hyderabad, where the price of the real estate is probably going to tilt the deal.

Amidst all this, I’ll probably have to make more space in my cramped memory for another capital city and Chief Minister, and maybe pay more to travel to my mother’s hometown, where my maternal cousins stay, as it’ll be across state lines. That farmer somewhere in a parched hut in Mahbubnagar district will still have to shiver through the night and wonder if it’ll rain well enough next year.

Maa telugu talli ki malle puvvu-danda!

(A jasmine garland for our Telugu motherland)

P.S.- No offence intended towards any particular party/region/race/caste/religion/people. This was just a rant coming late in the night.

A midsummer night’s drag

The only on-off affairs you have are with the television. You use the adjectives “tender”, “gentle” and the like only with food- the kind that you aren’t getting. You start the sentence “I love...” and end it with Christopher Nolan, Sheldon Cooper or the guy in that stupid dance video . You know you’re having a mineral water overdose when you think Sprite “tastes funny”. You’ve spent your entire weekend switching between sleeping and lying down with the laptop on your lap. You’ve been disconnected from the Internet since the past week (you care to keep count in hours and minutes) but still know that you haven’t posted on your blog in June- a fact that keeps hurting you in your sleep. You’re sitting at work in a 110-country, 115,000-employing MNC reading “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe” while people around you try and protect substations.

 

It’s clear that you’ve been reading only Douglas Adams in the recent past when even the phrase “at sixes and sevens” seems to have a connection to 42, to you. It’s also not surprising that the aforementioned phrase applies to you perfectly. Murphy’s Law has been at its, well, veritable best, to be most etymologically correct. You take hours of explaining in your most heavily accented Hindi that you want a mobile connection without residence proof in four shops and when you finally catch hold of that elusive SIM card, your handset gives up on you. Your one connection to friends and family is gone.

 

The best pastime I’ve had over the days I’ve spent here in a place which excuses itself by adding “Bangalore” at the end of its address, apart from marvelling at the wonderful weather here, is precisely what I’m doing right now- not whining, but typing. The “First Intern” folder in my documents has a document named “Work Log” which is more of a daily bloopers collection. There’s another named “Weekend Log” which doesn’t have much because, as mentioned earlier, I don’t do anything worth writing home about. There are also a few score drafts I’ve typed but haven’t saved because they’re either too morose or too romanticist or clearly show that I’ve been watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory episodes repeatedly. My best friend is my keyboard, and the screen gives me angry glares as I keep typing. There’s no phone to talk to Ma and feel better. There’s no room nearby to drop by to chat and feel better. There’s no Internet to find others to talk to and feel better. And, just when you need it the most, there’s not even a thought to make you feel better. At best, you try and recite Betty Botter and the story of her butter and how she felt better, but her feeling better makes you bitter that you aren’t feeling any better. Bugger.

 

Loneliness isn’t a good feeling. Solitude- yes. Loneliness- no.

(Published on June 14, 2009 at 10:57 p.m.)

P.S.- Thankfully, this was just the end of the first week.

Holidays, Holes and Hope

It’s the end of yet another set of holidays, and, yet again, I find myself wondering how time flies by. December 5^th has turned to December 30^th, as after a cursed and delayed journey, I check back in to my room in R-land. It was another waste of 3 weeks, as I spent the days out leaving all those plans made early in the semester in shambles. The chance of a summer internship- abroad or otherwise- seems very bleak, considering the fact that I’m yet to make my resume. So does the chance of gaining any love and/or respect among any past batch-mates, considering the fact that I called up only one of them, and that too only once during my entire stay. In short, I’ve been a fiend of a friend, a shallow student, and worst of all, a sallow son. And what do I do to make up for it? Sit up at one in the morning to type it all out. The lessons learnt...

 

I also happened to catch two movies in the theatres during the holidays- Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and Ghajini. Both were highly incredulous too many times to like, but the former’s music only slightly helped it stay afloat in my sea. The more memorable watches were the repeat watches of the Pirates series- you can’t get tired of Jack Sparrow too soon! Also, I posted on this page an incredible eight times, which reminds me I really feel Sushi’s absence in the comments pages.

 

Over 2000 kilometres apart, the irony is too good to ignore. Last night, I was sleeping at home with the air-conditioner turned on, and as soon as I got out of the bus a few hours ago, my feet froze in a flash, my jaw clenched close tightly, and my arms went all around my chest looking for a way to keep warm. Even the 30-second stroll to the canteen from the room was quite a struggle, with the swirling mist hissing and striking hard on my cheeks. A steaming-hot soup Maggi was what it took to wrench open my jaw again, and after that light dinner, I checked back into my room, to see that even with the heater turned on, the temperature was a measly fifteen degrees Celsius. I’m sure this winter is going to be tough on us 8’o’clockers from the Electrical department!

 

I know resolutions aren’t my thing (as stated here) but, boy, I need some prayers for the year to come! The competition is ever-increasing, the cut-throat nature of this whole process is definitely not built for someone like me, but, as they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get growing.

All Apologies

I’m back again. I tried it all. I saw two riveting Bourne movies, felt too tired to watch Wall.E and saw one of my, and, as I found out later, one of Aamir Khan’s favourite movies- Forrest Gump once again. I saw four days of high-quality cricket- as expected in a clash between the world’s top two teams. I stared at Shambhavi for about 133 seconds but even good looks can’t save a show as doomed as G-Talk is. How can you expect a show hosted by too incorrigibly unintelligent, nosily noisy and irritatingly giggly chicks- one not even pretty- to survive my remote’s ungrateful juggernaut? I tried sitting online- visible, for a change- for four hours at a stretch and that too not in the happy hours. I even tried becoming a regular viewer of Saas, Bahu Aur Saazish but nothing worked. The only option that’s been left untried is that gleaming DVD in the back of the laptop case containing 3 seasons of bites of heaven in the form of that goddess called Cobie Smulders. I restrain myself from doing that because of my unspoken law of following a maximum of three TV shows at a time. Thankfully, Heroes has completed season three. But, two episodes remain for me to watch. I even went outside- alone, for the first time in these holidays. But, even that venture ended up in me either muttering about all the stupid people along the way, or humming Society by Eddie Vedder.

 

This overwhelming lack of zest has left me in a state where even my grammar has taken a beating. Good music gives respite only for a few minutes. Even the Sudoku is now done and thrown away with contempt. Television is a drag- even with over a 100 channels, although discounting the vernaculars, it’s probably six dozen. I’ve become the epitome of the lost geek- I lack passion for everything. The only thing that interests me apart from chatting with my family, is chatting with a pair of twins I haven’t met in nine years. But, they live in a time-zone that’s almost a mirror image of time here- an eleven-and-half hour time gap. Other people I’d like to chat with are either in situations where I’d rather not bug them with whines like this, or are never to be found. The only thing to look forward to seems to be the school alumni meet four days away. Even Douglas Adams’ sequels seem rather dull- I only read a chapter a day now, compared to a book a day some time ago.

 

The last way I wanted to post again was this. Oh, I had such brilliant plans. Or what I thought to be brilliant. The prevailing cynicism, though, now suggests that I’d be the only one who’d think so. OK, I’d let it out. I had planned to make seven lists of my top six for the year gone by- 42 things of the year. The last list, to be published on the last day of the year, was supposed to be my top six moments of the year. Others were the top six songs I heard in the year, top six movies seen, six things that I’d rather not have happened with me, six people to watch out for in the year to come, six dishes I totally dig, and six quizzes I’d love to do in the next year but trust myself to be too lazy to make. But it all seems like a worthless exercise now. I can’t believe how I’m able to survive without little or no passion for almost anything. The usual spring in my voice on the phone is now replaced by a morose ‘pata nahi’ for just about everything. Even the prospect of staring at the usually-mesmerising Parizad Kolah doesn’t sustain my interest for more than a minute now- probably because Navjot Singh Sidhu’s incessant, unnecessary laughter kind-of puts me off. I find Raghu’s blatant bleeping on Roadies more interesting. That and the promise of Premier League football may make for a better weekend. Or else, they might make for another long drag of a post.

 

If only I had that NDTV Imagine pack. Oye, It’s Friday seems to be a bit of relief from the mundane bunch of TV shows nowadays. So does Fantastic 5 on MTV. But it’s only a five-minute filler, as the name may suggest. Oh, if you’re really on the dole, then try reading the whole of the Tickr on MTV- you’ll realise there are more jobless people than you- a fact that may be comforting, in the right mood.

 

P.S.- Roadies this season so far seems to be heading for only one word- DUD. The auditions throw up stupid people, and the ones chosen are even more so. Plus, there’s no chick factor, either, yet. The Ahmedabad and Bangalore auditions, for instance, were a farce.

 

P.P.S.- Sometimes I almost feel people with exams right now are darn lucky. And, curse Microsoft for not putting Minesweeper in Vista Business. Now, how do they expect one to be busy?

Where are the mines?

The clock ticks away relentlessly on the bottom left, the targets keep decreasing a little more solemnly on the bottom right, as I click away furiously while analysing the numbers, looking for more squares to flag triumphantly. Sky blue 1s, bottle green 2s, maroon 3s, navy blue 4s, red 5s and the elusive turquoise 6s and black 7s adorn my imagination while I’m trying to eat in the mess, and I know I’m addicted to Minesweeper again. I make continual attempts at breaking my seemingly pathetic expert level time with the touchpad when an exam‘s 5 hours away with a sunrise in between, and I also know I’ve picked the precisely wrong time for doing that. The exams have passed by now though, taking with them a blur of a third semester. I realized, though, over this span of 14 surprisingly short weeks at the insti, that studies really are way more important than the next Prison Break episode, that assignments are to be submitted on time even if you manage to convince 85 in a batch of 86 that it’s OK not to, that I haven’t really changed much in the past few years- some say in the past ten- and that it’s never too late to try ironing my creases.

 ***

I hate using sentences with the word ‘life’ in them whenever it refers to one’s being; I’m too naïve, and it’s too way too early for me to do so. Plus I think things like “What I’ve learnt from life is…” or “Life is…” are for old people. I’ve edited these very lines at least thrice while typing them to make it very clear that they’re heavily opinionated. The word could’ve featured at least four to five times in the previous paragraph, and a few more times in the ones to follow. But it isn’t worth it. For me, it rarely is. I dislike Orkut status messages that say “Mah life’s screwed” or “Life’s tuf” or compare it to female dog, or any similar professions. They’re way too shallow for teenagers to be broadcasting. ‘Life’s like that’ is the only such sentence I like. Not because it’s by AP, but just because it’s too darn simple, and to the point, and so very logical. It’s almost instinctively understood, like ‘My name’s Bond’. Plus, it actually looks and sounds kind-of nice too. Try it.

 ***

For the record, by the way, in the fag end of the semester, I gave up on consuming eggs altogether, and thought it’s not really a bad idea to be a total vegetarian from now on. The guilt consumed me too much and too often for me to continue the habit. Also, I think it’s time I really start thinking seriously about my religion, and spirituality, in general, because talking to myself can only take me so far. It isn’t too hard on me and my schedule, and it can only make a better person.

 ***

One of my favourite pastimes, apart from the aforementioned game, the aforementioned TV series, and repeating long words in sentences, is reading through my past posts, and the comments on them. I love analyzing the changes in my writing- content and style-wise - and also reader reactions and frequency of comments. It’s fun. I actually cringe at the punctuation in my first few posts, and also realise how crazy the incessant brackets made you feel. It brings a smile to my face now that I think of it. And, laughing at the jokes in the comments, even when I know what‘s coming. It really is fun. I remember talking to my master about my blog, and he mentioned about the categorisation of the bloggers we know- the glory bloggers and the true bloggers. And he didn’t take a second to point out that I belonged to the first category. I agreed graciously, after an instinctive first rebuff. Before I forget, glory bloggers are those who post only once in a while, after a lot of editing and only after carefully considering whether their readers would love reading that or not. The second category, on the contrary, refers to those who post as and when they feel like, don’t really care what their readers think- or even if they have any- and stick to the definition of a web log. I guess I do fit into the first category, considering my aims at present, but also considering my shift in mood and content over the past few months, it isn’t long before I seamlessly shift to the latter. Talking of my lazy inactive master, I’d like to ask him, while restraining my impulsive desire to abuse him, to please start reading again. I guess I do fit into the first category!

I’d also like to add, that this habit of revisiting past mutterings, and discussions, extends to e-mails and chats, even those on Facebook- I sometimes copy-paste them and save them as drafts. I’ve also saved a few special mails in the ‘starred’ folder of my Gmail account.

 ***

The fact that I talk so much has made me so very transparent that I fear I may not have anything more about me to add when I’m tagged, if I’m tagged. For those who aren’t insane enough to get to the end of my posts, like AP, who I actually think might not even reach here, I’d like to remind you of my request to start the practice of tagging in the blogosphere again.

 ***

I’m typing this post as I sit in a delightfully warm room in Noida, where I’d reached last night after two bus rides I’d love to write home about. The first was with AP, where I, as usual, had a wonderful time chatting for almost the entire length of the six-hour journey, apart from the few motion-sick minutes where I’d slept with my mouth wide open. We came up with exciting plans for the magazine, ones we’d love to share with the Perusing Poet, who just about missed joining us.

The other was alone on a rickety Blueline, from the New Delhi inter-state bus station to Noida, in which I couldn’t stop raving about and feeling sad for and bad about the capital, at the same time. I was born in New Delhi and had lived 40 kilometres off the capital for about 9 years, before shifting to the city of destiny, Visakhapatnam. It’s been another nine years since, but clocks roll back effortlessly whenever I have a rendezvous with this wonderful mega-polis, and I still can’t understand, leave alone explain, the sheer love and affection I have for it. People who’ve lived here all their lives will probably never get it. Those who’ve shifted to the city might just. It doesn’t matter to me. I still can’t properly answer the very common question ‘What’s your hometown?’, and usually say ‘It’s kind-of complicated’. The feeling I have for Delhi is most efficiently described by this- je ne sais quoi.

 ***

Roaming around in the markets of Noida, it was impossible not to notice the greatly heightened security measures- frisking is mandatory at the entry points of almost every mall- and although it was only a Wednesday evening, and it was two days before a momentous one in India, December 6^th, the sparse crowds were conspicuous, and a fact that didn’t exactly make my first visit to Great India Place very exciting. Reading the news reports over the week, looking at the pictures of rallies all over the country, the news of the candle-light rally at the insti, and many conversations I’d heard or participated in, all pointed to just one thing- we’re all very very united right now. But it’s sad to think that only incidents as ghastly as those of the past week end up in shows of such solidarity and togetherness. I wonder if it really needed to take this horrid event for us to finally rise and demand for change. It’s not an accusation, and it’s not that I’m trying to suggest we’re hypocritical or that I don’t appreciate this unity in any way- it just comes as a question to a simple mind like mine. There’s been enough carnage in the past to instill a sense of doubt as to whether our chosen representatives have been capable enough of protecting our homeland. But, you know what? I love the fact that people don’t care whether the guy wearing that white T-shirt standing beside them is a fish-gobbling Bengali, or that lady in the white top is a chatter-some Punjabi, or that man in that sober white shirt is a Bihari, or even someone from the north-east, or any other arbit place- all that matters is that he/she is wearing white and holding a candle for India and Indians. It’s touching, and makes me proud. If only  we could have the same feeling every single day of our lives. Utopia is a wonderful place…

 ***

P.S.- This is only for those nice guys who… wait, I do have girls reading my blog, or at least I’m trying, or am deluded enough to think so, so… This is only for those wonderful faithful tolerant people who actually did read till here. It’d be nice if you inform me what you think of the name change for the page, if you’ve bothered to notice it, and whether you think I should scrap it.

 

P.P.S.- As much as I tried not to, for a fear of sounding depressing, I couldn’t help mentioning 26/11. It weighed a little too much on my mind.

 

P.P.P.S.- I deliberately avoided using examples with profanities in the ‘Life is…’ paragraph, although the most popular example is such, as popularised by the Wild Bore.

Love, logic and long phone calls...

Useless info- This post was ready an hour after the last one, but wasn't posted till date because of the very few comments on the last one. I've decided to post it anyway considering that the fall in readership from 10 to 5 is like po-tay-to po-taa-to.

Reliance Telecom is one smart company. It sure knows where to make its money- the bastions of young, smitten couples. And what better place than the insti! I guess Reliance's Uttarakhand unit makes more than half its turnover from here, especially this year's must've been markedly higher. With many taking the step from 'just good friends' to 'not a moment without you', the need for staying in telephonic contact cutting across barriers of distance has resulted in many new Reliance handset boxes making their appearance on study-tables, with the first recharge being the omnipotent Rs. 496 pack, which basically translates to free STD calling. And, dear-oh-dear, the innovations this development's led to has left conservative, not-committed-but-oh-so-jealous people (striking example- the author) open-mouthed. Most of the nerds around don't really give two hoots, the guys hooked up in the insti are satisfied with their prevailing connections- Nescafe is their temple, and others think Sergey Brin and Larry Page decided to go into the Internet business only to serve their purpose!

I mentioned innovations? Sometime in the past fortnight, I was playing Bingo in class (as always) when the Scuttling Shuttler decided to take a look at the AoE-addict Ace and me shooting away numbers at each other, interspersed with triumphant yelps of 'Bingo!'. Taking time off his PJ-cracking, SS asks us to teach him the game, and after a few hundred seconds, we three are at it while the professor merrily goes on rattling about some 731 arbit types of galvanometers, unheard beyond the six people under his nose. Later in the day, SS is seen on his newly-installed (you guessed it right) Reliance phone explaining the rules. Interesting. But, what happens later is even more intereshting. It's two in the morning, when I'm roaming around looking for company to go to the canteen, when I see SS sitting highly pleased on his bed, pen and paper in front of him, playing Bingo with his opponent a full 500 miles away! And, he later adds with a huge smile on his face, 'I let her win every game!'

This story, of course, took place long after the Sassy Sage got his Reliance connection. SS-2, though, remained loyal to his Airtel phone- for the free STD messaging pack, which helped him stay in touch during classes, until it unfortunately got stolen, only to be faithfully replaced by my number! SS-2, though, is now hooked to Gmail, I believe with the new video chat option being given first preference, but only as long as the erratic Wi-Fi connection plays fair.

I, though, fail to understand all this hullabaloo to stay in touch. I guess, the best part of a long-distance relationship is the very fact that it is long-distance, making continous contact difficult-yes- but making every single meeting once in three months or so, very very special. Also, although as cliched as it does sound, it is the absence of a person that makes you realise their significance. And, again, talking everyday might as well lead to more and more utterances of 'Aur bata' and 'Kuch khaas nahi', leaving very little to talk about. For the best example, take these blogs. I would rarely ever get something to post about everyday!

But, then, as the Perusing Poet likes to put it, 'You won't realise this until you fall in love, my geeky friend'. Yeah, right! Fat chance of any sane female interested in bearing my chatter for anything more than a few seconds! PP thinks it's the perennial concern, that shows in the regular phone calls, which strengthens a relationship more than any corny lines or mushy poems. It's the very fact that you care, that urges you to press that number time and time again, that helps you stay up all night to talk to that one special person. I still believe the only people I can talk on the phone for more than an hour are Big B and Mom. And my cellphone expenses rarely cross two hundred bucks a month. It's totally illogical for me- talking to the very same person every night for at least a couple of hours with essentially nothing new to tell.

PP inters, 'Love doesn't go by logic... And, of all people, you talking of logic is quite a paradox. An SRK fan, who doesn't think Prisoner of Azkaban is the best of the seven, who thinks Catherine Zeta-Jones is way better than Genelia D'Souza, and is still actually crazy about his high-school crush who, quite obviously, defies all the parameters of his own SSB funda... You know what seperates us from apes- the fact that we think, and analyse things, and form a clear perspective, a unique perspective. You, in the most common cases, don't do that. And, one fine day, you come along with your 'logical analysis' to say love is illogical. Of all things possible, you chose love...'

To be honest, I think PP was right for most things. I do not tend to think about things- I just do them. I do not tend to analyse books or movies or music- I just like them or I don't really like them. There's not got to be a well-thought-out reason for me- just the fact that I like it or not. I can't really explain why I adore SRK and his movies so much, or why I like American Desi so much, or why I find The Goblet of Fire better, or why I'm a Manchester United fan, or why my favourite colour is red- I just go by primal instinct. I just dig Catherine Zeta-Jones. I just like to talk...

Footnote- All the best to all I know who're writing CAT. And, for the record, PP and SS-1, are some of the best guys I've met at the insti so far.
And, I am single, and ready to sing a jingle.

P.S.- For once, I hope, the title does manage to attract a few eyeballs...

Late edit- I was kindly informed by SS-1 that the Rs. 496 pack is now defunct. What they all have is the 600-odd rupees pack, for free STD calling to Reliance numbers for two months.

Of rekindled, current and messy affairs

Holidays usually make us bring out that oh-so-common line in our blogabulary closet- time to re-ignite the flames of my on-off affair with the television. (Ah, feels strange to use the full form, for a change. I know what you’re thinking, by the way!)

I was just surfing channels, which basically translates into going through the sports channels and then shifting to news if nothing’s going on. The next-channel-button-killing stopped when I saw a marquee on the screen saying- “Coming up- The US Presidential Debate”. I just happened to say to my brother, “Hey, this’ll be our first Debate watch right?”, and the remote was put down. With most phrases like “sub-prime crisis” , “the Georgia situation” , “the healthcare crisis” going over my head, the urge to move on to other channels was strong but, I thought it’d be a good idea to boast about it here. I kept on watching trying to get the nuances of the accent and also, the style of oration, while secretly admiring the lady in the last row, a glimpse of whom the camera had managed to catch while roving to capture Senator Barack Obama. A commercial break inevitably followed, and the remote was hastily picked up and three thumb-strokes later, the loud, boisterous voice of a news anchor struck me, with the words “Aakhir kyun roye Amitabh Bacchan? Jaan-ne ke liye, dekhte rahiye City60!” (Now why did Amitabh Bacchan break down? Keep watching City60 to find out!).

What happens next? A video plays with the original Big B delivering a few stirring dialogues from his uber-famous movie, Deewaar, and then shedding tears after the performance at a concert as part of his ongoing world tour. The same video is shown from 4 different angles, twice zoomed in, and another time in slow-motion with pictures of Amitabh’s (recently deceased) mother being flashed and another few times simultaneously with the original movie sequence. A thorough analysis, sprinkled generously with passionate questions asked by the anchor- “Aakhir kyun?” (After all, why?), “Kya mahanayak ko apni maa yaad aayi?” (Did the great actor reminisce of his own mother?) and others, ended that particular report. I quickly started the ride back to the channel broadcasting the Debate, but managed to catch a cue to the next report- “Aage dekhiye- Nana Patekar chhodkar film ki shooting, karne chale asli shooting!” (Up ahead- Nana Patekar picks up the rifle, leaving aside movie shooting.).

An intermediate channel was showing an interview of Montek Singh Ahluwalia, with the host being Karan Thapar. Two classy speakers, and I stopped by, only to hear more phrases go above my head (Liquidity crunch, anyone?) but with one Harvard and one Oxford alumnus on each side, I had to listen for a few minutes.

The Presidential Debate ended soon, and I had gained, apart from the knowledge that Estonia, Latvia and others were threatened by the re-emerging Russia, comfort in the fact that all this hullabaloo by some news channels to gather eyeballs was not going in vain, as my aunt came by to comment “Hey, is the Amitabh Bacchan report over? Why are you watching those American guys debating on Darfur? Switch over to the other channel, fast!”

Sadly, that report was finished. So was that programme. But, loyal viewers were not to be disappointed.

“Credit card. Mobile phone. Revolver. Akhbaar. Dekhiye kis tarah in chaar hathiyaron se kiya gaya ek ghinauna gunaah. Ab se bas kuch hi der mein...”

(How a credit card, a mobile phone, a revolver and a newspaper were used to commit a dastardly crime- we tell you in a few moments ...)

Garba in Ghatkopar, Disco Dandiya in Dombivli? Yeah, right! I’m interested!

P.S.- How long could I keep my (wrist-less, thanks to a few unhappy red ants) hands off that wonderful Shift+9, Shift+0 combination? Or the one at the start of this part, too...

Eternal rain in the talkative mind

Disclaimer: The content that follows can only be described as one long-suppressed depressed whine. Any comments on the language/writing style/why-do-you-want-to-suffocate-us are unwelcome, as this is one long-suppressed, depressed whine. Any judgements about me are unwelcome, as this is one long, depressed whine. And, if I don't sound bad enough and you have managed to stay in that chair and continue reading this without controlling that primal urge to go for the Alt+F4 combination, you may read on, at your own risk, because (one last time, for good measure) this is one long-suppressed, depressed whine.

One great soul once told me, "You got a problem? Blog about it, forget it.".
This, of course, differs greatly from my not-so-great quote, "You got something good? Brag about it and don't let anyone forget it.".
But, then, I'm not a great soul, anyway. So, one wouldn't expect it from me. What one would expect from me, now, is a few, rather quite a few geeky jokes, some totally useless campus news and my views on them, and a few, rather quite a few whines.

My latest depresses period came about at the start of this semester- nothing new, just the same reasons I had some time ago (blogged about here). But, I had resolved to kill these issues with my personality off once and for all in the holidays (in December, and in July) but, to no avail. I couldn't force any of my friends to bear my depressed mumblings and I surely couldn't bug any of the so-far-very-patient seniors with that, too and thus plunged into some let's-call-it-useless activity for the past few days.

Playing Age of Empires (better known as just AoE) has become quite a fad down in Azad and, despite my repeated statements of not plunging into its elaborate plans to make me an addict, I just sat and watched the battles for hours. Playing AoE till three in the morning is bad enough, just blankly sitting, staring and asking dumb questions about it is pathetic! So, after getting quite a few rebukes for my indulgences between matches (Chatting in AoE is built for someone like me, but only if I could play and not just chat!). Then came the long hours sitting alone in the room...

You anti-social, over-idealistic nerd. You bhalu (bear). You retard. You over-talkative dumbo. You irritating...let's not go into the details, for preserving the family-reading part of this anyway-not-read page. Can't socialise. Can't drink. Can't smoke. Over-hesitant. Apprehensive about almost everything under the sun. Unrealistic. Impractical. Hypocrite. Haddu Ghissu. Argumentative. Irritating. Over-talkative...Ah, forget it!

What I've lost since coming here, and what I so miss, is that characteristic of being impuylsive, instinctive about everything. Don't think about it before, during or after it. Just get it done (avoiding the active voice for fear of copyright infringement) and forget it.
Before my instinctive answer to an invite to go out would have been "Yeah, where to?". Now, it's a highly apprehensive "Why?". Not a no, not a yes, not a when but a highly questionable why. Why? I wonder why. Where's that instinctive, impulsive, happy-go-lucky, forget-it-yaar Murty? Why do I now have to wrestle with a boring, grumpy, geeky, irritating, over-doubting, idealist Bhalu?

This was what caused my depression over the last fortnight.
This was why I posted.
Now, I'm done with it.
Now, I hope I don't sound like I'm in love- because I'm not.
Now, I hope I'm not speaking (a lot of) Greek and forcing people to up Oxford University Press' sales- because I'm not.
Now, I can continue to finish my box of Laddus, with zero regrets.
Even now, I don't like 'Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na' and still think my review- no- my VV was better than the very best.
Now, I can peacefully watch 'Into The Wild' and, maybe, decide to do a DV on it.
Now, I can stop irritating those who either ignored the disclaimer, or misunderstood it or have nothing better to do than read this.
Or, maybe, like my old self, I can continue to type on like a crazy diamond.

Ah, I feel good. I can do what I should.
Someone tell me how PTV thought of that quote right at the start of the post. How!

P.S.- If you have nothing better to say, just forget it and fulfill your desire of clicking on that red cross.

P.P.S.- Apologies to those offended by the last part. On second thoughts, Nyah na na nyah nyah!