Friday, March 19, 2010

Mostly Harmless

The English language has never ceased to throw gentle surprises, dramatic shocks or globs of spit at learners it considers alien. While the Queen may grab the opportunity of the odd snort at the rookie addling his verbs and prepositions (I sat in the toilet seat and felt cold, so took out some tissues, you know), even the vim-filled boaster isn’t spared from the deep holes lurking in India’s secondary lingua franca (by assuming ‘enigma’ to be of Italian origin, making it an enema).


Even yours truly hasn’t been spared (almost) similar embarrassment. Having assumed the phrase to imply ‘logic, driven by sentiment’, I concluded a long argument as Class Monitor to ask the girls’ representative to attend the Student Council meeting by quipping “Come on now- for our posterity’s sake.” It took me a few years and a dictionary to figure out the wide-eyed stare and cold shoulders I was given ever since.


The school, though, was no stranger to such occurrences. After all, in its history of Physical Education Trainers, it had had one who strictly believed in the policy of students forming straight circles, while another’s voice had once bellowed through the quadrangle, screeching “All aaf you sould come with paalissed sooes and saacks from tomaarow!”. Then, there’s the unverified legend of a Class 4 kid explaining his misspelling of psychologist by exclaiming “Ma’am, I only forgot to P!”.


Somehow, it’s these little anecdotes that survive the relentless march of time over those twelve wonderful formative years. Not many would remember the Eshans and the Pushyamis, but the (deliberately?) misspelt ‘Assoul’ on the toilet walls remains as ageless as television’s Ba. And this very idiosyncratic human trait - endeared by some, and troublesome for others – is what keeps the smiles going for posterity’s sake.

9 comments:

Prachi Agrawal said...

Hilarious Post! And one of the few which I have understood completely...or so I think.
We had a librarian who used to scream..." All of you keep quiet or I will go out!" or "What would be happened?!". Then there were the firm believers of 'small is bountiful' and hence the proud proclaimers or " One Carbon Atoms" and the like.
These memories endear their subjects to us all the more now!

Anonymous said...

PT Teachers who have instructed Girls line up on my left, boys on my right and rest in the middle and Open the windows, let the air force come in seem to have been there in all schools. Worse, a certain kid back home recently asked someone who had just delivered if the baby's was really a premature birth or if it was an advance booking. I cursed myself for taking the kid along with me to meet relatives!

Murty said...

@ Prachi

Thank you! Nice anecdotes from you, too.

@ Shaggy boy

Maddus, I tell you! :D
I wanna meet this kid!

Anunaya Jha said...

Oh! There was biology teacher of mine who said 'Give me a red pen of any colour.'
And I just happened to have this biggest goof-up a few days back, when I inadvertently (I promise) said, 'RPM took my measurements in 2-1!'

:S

Anirudh Arun said...

PT teacher: I saw both the three of you going doubles on the scooter! It is very unsafe.

12th Standard Chem: Open teh windows! Let the atmosphere come in!

Murty said...

@ Anunya and Kondy

Ho ho ho! The RPM and the scooter stories, in particular!

Strangely, I didn't foresee such a shower of similar anecdotes after the post. Mia culpa.

Saagar said...

isn't it mea culpa?

The Decayed Canine said...

Ah. Remember Sripriya's "An I for an I"?

Murty said...

@ Lefty and Tazo

Bloody Nazis! Mea culpa I dared to use mia culpa!