The Ultimate Quest

The third of my five-year, epiphany-filled, poorly-tilled but well-willed journey through the realities of R has begun exactly where I’d left it off the last time I was in G-104: in a state of complete disorder. The difference is that that unusually pleasant May had my room completely devoid of any semblance of habitation apart from an old toothbrush, while my mind was in complete disarray thanks to the events of the year gone by, whereas this inexplicably sultry August has my head clear and my room looking like a wartime minefield. My tea-table sits pretty on top of my study-table, and perched proudly on top of that, is the runner-up trophy from last year’s Ashesh Memorial Quiz (the institute’s official inter-department quiz competition, for the uninitiated). Another batch of freshly-turned-sophomores has moved into the adjacent wings, with their usual baggage of over-filled trunks, numerous bags, Linkin Park and random rap music, and filthy etiquette. Another bunch of Matkas (M. Tech students) have stepped into the empty rooms in our wing, and infiltrated our area with the usual Matkagiri¬- random songs blaring out loud, people making you turn right around when they walk out of their rooms as they’re doing a John Abraham from Dostana (yes- seriously!), and, of course, filthy etiquette.

Thanks to these wonderful characters around, I’ve been out of my dwelling most of the time, which has my corridor-mates asking me when I’ve returned from home some two weeks after the registration. After the wonderful set of coffees at work in the summer, and the visits to Cafe Coffee Day back home, the modest six-rupee Nescafe coffee seemed like one of those Nutri-matic drinks Arthur Dent kept getting served in the Hitchhiker’s series- completely unlike the one you’d asked for. Despite the distasteful drink, I continued to pay my regular visit to the ubiquitous coffee-shop every evening and set off for arbitrary walks all over the campus. There seem to be too many new faces around- enough to make someone with a curiosity like mine very uncomfortable. A chat with Ma on the phone about these very people, the JEE, the government policies and politics, in general, got me thinking.

I theorised that the story of Life, the Universe and Everything is too vast, and has too many complex factors, to be broken up into small pieces to make a jigsaw puzzle out of. Yet, I thought about the few factors that do majorly influence lives, and thought mostly from the perspective of one who’s come to and lived for two years, in R(bit)-land.

Choices roughly determine the course of almost every human’s existence; we’ve all had to make some be it one between Rasna or Tang, or the more pertinent one between Manchester United and the rest of the world. Quite amazingly, whenever I thought of situations where I have had to make choices, it’s almost always between two things. The Jan Shatabdi or bus to Delhi, a laptop or a desktop, a four-year study program or five, the hand-held video game player or a new Ninja Turtles 1-in-1 disk, Bournvita or plain milk, and many more. This almost-omnipotent theory of dichotomy is prevalent in life, in general, too- good and evil, Yin and Yang, mind and body, and a host of others. And it takes no rocket science to know that these choices establish the direction of Life. The number two governs choices.

Another important factor in one’s success in Life is how good one is at remembering the things that matter. And, not surprisingly, another number governs this region. Try to remember some popular phrases you might use- lock, stock and barrel; heart, nerve and sinew; the good, the bad and the ugly- it’s so much easier to remember triplets. Public speaking coaches always speak of the rule of three- that an average human tends to remember things in threes, and of an overall presentation, only three important things. Even Aristotle in his discourse on Rhetoric, divides most things into three, and talks of the importance of this number. Winston Churchill, in one very famous speech of his, spoke of Britons having to give “their blood, sweat, toil and tears”. But, the phrase that has widely been attributed to him out of this is “blood, sweat and tears”, isn’t it? Thus, clearly, the number three governs the capability of memory.

Finally, one of the first things to have struck me on this topic was the significance of Luck. This elusive Lady is benevolent to some, brutal to some others, and benign to the vast majority. And, time and time again, she too has shown an affinity for a number, one which we all know only too well. A look into some of Manchester United’s most successful players- George Best, Bryan Robson, Eric Cantona, David Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo- shows they’d done most of their legendary deeds when donning the famed number seven jersey. Ergo, quite clearly, the number seven governs luck.

The mysteries of Life, the Universe and Everything have been subject to studies galore, people have spent their entire lives trying to find out the Ultimate Question and the significance of the Ultimate Answer. I strongly believe in Douglas Adams’ idea that if we were able to somehow figure out the purpose of this complex Universe, it’ll be replaced by an even more confounding one. Yet, it is only human to wander and wonder about these questions, and in that course, I happened to get the above findings, after deliberating, at various places, in varied conditions, meeting and interacting with a variety of people along the way, and finally only getting to the following conclusion.

The mysteries of Life, the Universe and Everything can’t be unlocked by only a few factors, but take a few significant ones, get them all to work together, and you might as well be successful.

Remember- Two multiplied by Three multiplied by Seven equals...

For whom the bells toll

I’ve been told often that almost all that I put here for public viewing on the World Wide Web are recitals of incidents I’ve been through, of what I have done or been following, or blasts from the past where I explain the antecedents of my present characteristics. To that I say every human is shaped by the incidents they go through, that the nature of man today bears a causal relationship to what he has done or gone through before. But I get replies ranging from “You can talk about it- wait- you do talk about it!” to “Where’re your thoughts, sonny?” To that I ask them to peruse the link to this webpage and its title, and on other occasions, I paraphrase Eric Cartman and say “Oi! This is my blog and you don’t have a say, jackass. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll do a Screw you guys, I’m going home”, followed by the requisite finger movements.

On that note, I’d go on and recall another incident that happened what-seems-like way back in Class IV. I’d just disembarked from the school bus after another enlightening conversation with the driver about my double-roti-enriched breakfast, and a lightning-quick game of Country, city, continent, kuch bhi (which finished when I got stuck on Y after Yugoslavia and Yemen were done, and Yorkshire wouldn’t count- reason being “Fir to main Services, Saurashtra bhi bol doon!”. I wasn’t aware of the existence of wonderful places like Yerevan, Ytterby and Yelamanchili back then). The cold winter breeze accelerated by the bus had frozen the generous layer of oil on my hair, and as the others playfully checked out my razor-sharp hair-do, I looked out of our first-floor class window to see an ominously dark, cloudy sky and the imminent rain that would ruin the morning assembly- Friday’s special assemblies almost always cut short the time for the first period, to our delight. The teacher had probably assumed that’d be the case for her cursed class, and not turned up on time that morning. When she did come in, she put out her umbrella by the door and immediately ran through the attendance. After our rapturous scream of delight on her announcement of not taking the day’s class, she went on to explain why she’d come late. “I’d been to the temple early this morning, children. Today was my younger son’s birthday (she either pretended not to hear or totally missed the shout of “Chocolates?” from a corner of the class). But, the rush and the sudden rain got me late. I see you’ve been to the temple, too, Abhishek”. The addressed roll number one, accordingly allotted the first bench, stood up to answer “Not exactly, Ma’am. I just apply the teeka every morning after I complete my Gayatri Mantra jap a hundred times”.

Later during the recess, I sped straight to the front of the class to ask him if he was kidding to impress Ma’am. He shook his head in shock at my accusation, and showed me a set of Rudraksha beads he was carrying as proof. My eight-year-old mind couldn’t easily believe this level of devotion- the idea of learning by heart a few lines and reciting them a few times, leave alone hundred, every single day seemed beyond me. When my countenance displayed the same feeling, Roll-Number-One proceeded to recite the verses before I deferred to him respectfully, and took my leave.

Back home in Visakhapatnam, a week back, I was switching on the laptop at eleven to work on a story, but even at the comparatively early time, I felt drowsy and shut Microsoft Word down. Clicking my fingers, I instinctively went to the videos folder to play Sultans of Swing (Mandela ’88 Concert Live version; in my opinion, the best of the lot), which elicited a quizzical look from Big B. “I’ve been observing for the past few weeks, that apart from the Kambakkht Ishq overdose on TV, you listen to just this one song. What is wrong with you?” I brusquely answered “Bhai, aaj ka jap nahi hua to neend kaise aayegi?” (How’d I be able to sleep without the daily recital?)

Good night, now it’s time to go home.

Makes it fast with one more thing-

We are the Sultans;

We are the Sultans of Swing.

No offence- but I guess I’ve found my Gayatri Mantra.

Achilles’ last stands

Sidekicks have been an integral part of so many legends. The Sundance Kid to Butch Cassidy, Circuit to Munnabhai, Sambha and Kaalia to Gabbar come to mind. The hero’s potency even without them notwithstanding, a consummate sidekick, to use a terribly cloying cliché, completes the hero. It’s hard to imagine a “Kitne aadmi the?” without an answer, even if the question “Holi kab hai? Kab hai holi?” could be considered rhetorical.

This blog, after a sudden change of mind a long time ago, and a quick return to normalcy, has missed a subtitle. The present outstandingly lame title had an even more outstandingly lamer adjutant, giving a sneak preview to the (you guessed it right) outstandingly lame pieces of writing that appeared under its banner. Although I can’t seem to remember it in its entirety, I vaguely recollect mentioning emetics and aggravating suicidal tendencies. Considering my vile idleness at present, I’ve been thinking about filling the void below that title. Redundancies, banalities, blatant rip-offs and sacrileges of the sacred number are all that I’ve been able to come up with. “In search of the Ultimate Question” seems like a most poignant peg, but doesn’t fit the round bore (pun intended).

(If you haven’t been a regular reader, now you comprehend the outstandingly lame sense of humour I possess.)

Just before Pick Withers does a round trip of the drums in front of him, as John Illsley lets his fingers loose at his bass guitar, and the Knopfler brothers avow together “We are the Sultans of Swing”, something feels just right. No lines filling the aforementioned gap have given me that feeling so far. Ergo, the gap remains.

Wandering and wondering, what place to rest the search...

The Bisibele Baath Diaries

Another brief tryst with the Garden City’s most wondrous weather had come to an end and with that, my three-week-long sabbatical from the World Wide Web. Gmail was to greet me back with a little under hundred unread e-mails, and perusing through them clearly wasn’t on my priority list as I hugged Big B, wishing him on his 23^rd birthday. Ma had carefully chosen and helped decorate the cake- a delicious-looking chocolate delight- and a short visit with her to Big B’s treat at Cafe Coffee Day revealed there was one more cake waiting to be devoured, thanks to TV Didi and Rachel. And, like bad luck, good fortune tends to stream in continuously- it was another chocolate cake, with both being from two of the three best chocolate pastry-making bakeries in town! My teeth’s health and their monthly check-up by Big B could take a backseat- it’d been exactly a score days since I’d had good food, and I was not going to let up. A Chocó-latte, too, was gulped down greedily in the meantime. I’d ordered that for a reason...

After a squalidly dry first week, the in-plant training kicked in to work mode, with regular morning presentations and afternoons spent reading about or configuring devices. I was ordered to buy another phone by Ma and Pa, and I reluctantly bought a threadbare Nokia- the one with the Hindi SMSing and the flashlight. And Snake. I quickly rediscovered my touch and started racking up mammoth scores. That, and the free local and national SMSing kept me busy enough till dinner, a task I somehow got through every night at the paying guest accommodation where I’d put up. The mornings at the office were to get better, too. On our second day into the second week, a routine conversation with our on-site guide revealed the coffee machine was open to us as well. More significantly- for free. We strutted in awkwardly the first time, looking to see if other employees weren’t giving us curious glares- they didn’t seem like they’d be bothered unless we were big white ghouls with a sickle in one hand and a hook for another. The overwhelming aroma of coffee beans had me hooked in a trifle. The first button I pressed was espresso, to clear my perennial confusion over which of that and cappuccino was black coffee. After quickly throwing that cup of espresso- it being black coffee- I pressed the cappuccino button, and even though I messed up on the amount of sugar I needed, Cafe Coffee Day’s impeccable mix even through a programmed machine left me begging for more. From then on, we needn’t an excuse for heading off to the pantry room, where rested that amazing little contraption. Cappuccino, elaichi tea, ginger tea, masala tea and classic tea were all duly tried and tested. Although cappuccino won a few battles, the war was decisively taken by the latte- the delectable mixture of milk and chocolate, with the almost-ubiquitous tinge of coffee, all served neatly in a cup only a few inches high, with a carefully measured spoon of sugar- just perfect.

While the first weekend was positively squandered doing nothing, the next was spent with an old monk, Rapu, in Bengaluru’s most famous mall. Although the fairer gender left us squarely disappointed, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine didn’t, even when the entire movie was made to rest on his shoulders alone. Lunch at a beautifully designed North Indian restaurant, and (yet another) coffee at CCD, and I was off to the city’s outskirts again in those breezy air-conditioned buses that glide through the city roads. Although there was a television at the PG, it was shared and that meant I was only to hum random Kannada songs, when not chatting with the two interns from DCE who were also staying there.

Back home, the first thing that caught my eye on the TV’s programme list was the return of The Championships, and I found myself ooh-ing and aah-ing at the sight of the lush green tennis courts at SW19, London. The state-of-the-art retractable roof notwithstanding, the air of tradition wafted all the way through to my couch, as I gazed like an eight-year-old, in amazement. Alan Wilkins and Vijay Amritraj’s voices were a relief after the drab Rolland Garros coverage, but despite this beautiful sojourn through the various courts at Wimbledon, just one thing seemed missing- the one thing that those most wonderful articles in The Hindu had described assiduously. The next evening was to see that culminating at Centre Court- His Royal Highness Roger Federer, prancing like a freed gazelle. Now, some who may have watched tennis with me may think I’m not a Federer fan and am thus, now being a hypocrite. The only reason I supported Nadal through the Australian Open and other tournaments, is that I felt he was the one who could bring the latent best- yes, even more- from the champion, that He needed a thorn in the flesh to bloom further, a loss’ bitter pill to make that one elusive victory that much sweeter. The French Open triumph has brought back the FedEx, who almost effortlessly, almost carelessly brushed aside the competition to equal Bjorn Borg’s once-impossible record at the greatest stage of ‘em all. Watching Him thwack forehands wide, snuff those once-pristine backhands, and grimace in agony at those double-faults was painful, and to see Him recover from that, and come back to play the divine tennis that we worship Him for, is precisely what sport is all about.

I bow to The King.

P.S. - A little fiasco involving a long-overdue recommendation letter had me bunking office for two days. I got to complete my intern only because of Pa, Musit and Tiwari ji. A big thank-you to you all.

P.P.S. - By the bye, the prettiest lady I encountered during the entire duration turned out to be in the office all along. Although one of my comrades flirted openly with her, leaving us staring open-mouthed one time and throwing punches another, the idiots that we were, she was the only company employee whose card we didn’t take. Sigh.

A midsummer night’s drag

The only on-off affairs you have are with the television. You use the adjectives “tender”, “gentle” and the like only with food- the kind that you aren’t getting. You start the sentence “I love...” and end it with Christopher Nolan, Sheldon Cooper or the guy in that stupid dance video . You know you’re having a mineral water overdose when you think Sprite “tastes funny”. You’ve spent your entire weekend switching between sleeping and lying down with the laptop on your lap. You’ve been disconnected from the Internet since the past week (you care to keep count in hours and minutes) but still know that you haven’t posted on your blog in June- a fact that keeps hurting you in your sleep. You’re sitting at work in a 110-country, 115,000-employing MNC reading “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe” while people around you try and protect substations.

 

It’s clear that you’ve been reading only Douglas Adams in the recent past when even the phrase “at sixes and sevens” seems to have a connection to 42, to you. It’s also not surprising that the aforementioned phrase applies to you perfectly. Murphy’s Law has been at its, well, veritable best, to be most etymologically correct. You take hours of explaining in your most heavily accented Hindi that you want a mobile connection without residence proof in four shops and when you finally catch hold of that elusive SIM card, your handset gives up on you. Your one connection to friends and family is gone.

 

The best pastime I’ve had over the days I’ve spent here in a place which excuses itself by adding “Bangalore” at the end of its address, apart from marvelling at the wonderful weather here, is precisely what I’m doing right now- not whining, but typing. The “First Intern” folder in my documents has a document named “Work Log” which is more of a daily bloopers collection. There’s another named “Weekend Log” which doesn’t have much because, as mentioned earlier, I don’t do anything worth writing home about. There are also a few score drafts I’ve typed but haven’t saved because they’re either too morose or too romanticist or clearly show that I’ve been watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory episodes repeatedly. My best friend is my keyboard, and the screen gives me angry glares as I keep typing. There’s no phone to talk to Ma and feel better. There’s no room nearby to drop by to chat and feel better. There’s no Internet to find others to talk to and feel better. And, just when you need it the most, there’s not even a thought to make you feel better. At best, you try and recite Betty Botter and the story of her butter and how she felt better, but her feeling better makes you bitter that you aren’t feeling any better. Bugger.

 

Loneliness isn’t a good feeling. Solitude- yes. Loneliness- no.

(Published on June 14, 2009 at 10:57 p.m.)

P.S.- Thankfully, this was just the end of the first week.

Season Two Finale

I wake up in an air-conditioned bedroom with the curtains keeping the sunlight from breaking my tired reverie. It’s my screechy SMS reminder that’s the culprit, with Vodafone dutifully informing me of the latest Telugu ringtones and caller-tunes I can get for fifteen rupees a month. My stomach is still full from last night’s sumptuous dinner- nothing special, but filling all the same. Big B’s off to college, Pa’s not yet back from yet another field trip while Mumma’s long taken her ninety-minute commute to the hospital. It’s just my aunt and her chatter as I stretch out on the sofa with a bowl of idly-sambhar resting on the pillow on my lap, simultaneously renewing my on-off affair with the TV. A now-habitual check of the e-mail takes me to check my grades on the batch’s Google group, and after exchanging a few wall posts with a friend, I vow to break all connections with R for the rest of the day. Needless to say, I was unsuccessful.

This trip home couldn’t have come at a better time. Yes, this academic year saw the indescribable Nihilanth trip to Bombay, a busy yet enjoyable Thomso, four of the best issues of Kshitij that I’ve been a part of, memorable first trips to Gnosiomania in Allahabad and the IIT-Delhi Parliamentary Debate, a fun trip to Rishikesh with the third-years and a path-breaking Cognizance. The fact that I may have missed out on mentioning a few more brilliant memories simply means that there’ve been so many things that could’ve made this year unforgettable. This year, though, has been quite forgettable- academically and personally. The former, for obvious reasons, and an increasing sense of disillusionment regarding my future leaves me in an uncomfortable haze. As for the latter, all the phone manners I’d perfected over years of making and answering calls were thrown out of the window last week in a 21-second call I’ll never forget. I can’t seem to recall what the margin of victory was in our first-ever win in the Delhi debates, but I sure do remember the infinitely long night that followed after this call was made. That, as a relatively insignificant consequence, had robbed me of an entire paragraph in the long year-end post I’d planned earlier. Combine it with the grades that followed later in the week, and the whole post was dead.

***

The last few hours in R were spent at Moh’s. The last hours I’d spend with Lefty, Rapu and Moh in the insti. It wasn’t a glitzy night spent recollecting some of the best moments we’ve spent together, or what we’ll miss. We watched a few episodes of South Park, discussed the IPL and cricket’s pretty boys over dinner in Ganga canteen and rounded off the night with a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory. It was... arbit. Now that I come to think of it, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Maybe a last game of Scrabble would’ve been fun. Even more arbit! The final goodbyes were pretty arbit, too. We did both a lame cool guy handshake and an awkward hug.

And, as I was about to hug Lefty one last time, I whispered into his ear- I guess when it comes to the insti, after tonight, I’ll remain loveless for good.

P.S.- If it means that I’ll have to endure another round of really sentimental farewells, I don’t want to be grand old man in Roorkee, masters! Plus, I guess I’ll have to pay, too. Nooo!

P.P.S.- Pity I missed paying my regards to the rest of the fourth-years. I wouldn’t have hugged NamJham, though- the baster said he isn’t taking a bath till his BTP’s done! Not SriPri, either, of course.

P.P.P.S.- Lefty, I meant every single word of it.

Much ado about nothing

R-land throws up all kinds of characters. There are those who seem they were born to write algorithms that’ll run the planet, the kind who can see all seventeen primary and auxiliary views of an imaginary object in their head, those who may have been playing with diodes and transistors instead of Lego bricks when they were still sucking their thumbs (if and when they were free).

 

There are those who may not be as brilliant as the aforementioned, but manage things just fine. They may not know why the aperture for *random-lens-name-here* has to be greater than five millimetres, but know that such a thing exists and might as well be on the answer sheet in front.

 

And, then, there are those exceptions who seem to prove one Mr. Murphy right all the time. It’s nice and simple- they just can’t do a thing correctly. Even if they manage to get all the chemicals right, mix them in the right proportions, and by freaks of nature they might call miracles even stir and heat them just right, they will drop the beaker.

 

No prizes for guessing- yours truly belongs to the last category.

 

This semester’s been quite peculiar. The attempts to get back over the wall shaped like the number eight were lost in soporific stupors- the recently installed air-conditioners in the lecture rooms, too, serving dear old Morpheus. The courses have all seemed pretty easy but those marks remain elusive. One might have thought practical exams for three subjects might help bridge the increasing gap between us hapless souls and the unbelievable nerds lying at the top. But, as said earlier, some people just can’t get it right, no matter what.

 

Exhibit A: The first practical exam is Electrical Machines. The preparation’s been half-decent, but I stride into the lab confident that I’ll forget all circuit diagrams as soon as I get my experiment. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen and I find my bed and get started on doing random tests on a transformer. The writing part is duly completed as neatly as possible, and the connections are made arduously over an hour. I get them checked and am given the green signal. I can’t believe everything is going so smoothly. I push up my collar in pride, and give the switch a pompous hit. The circuit is turned on and all but one of my meters reads zero. I almost felt satisfied I was proved right, but one hour of effort for just one of three tests going futile wasn’t a comforting fact. I called the lab assistant for assistance, and was informed I was working in the wrong lab all the while. Oh, yes! I knew my circuit was alright! I entered the other lab to be promptly questioned how I was strutting in an hour late. The lab assistant there couldn’t believe someone could possibly have worked in the wrong lab for an hour, but let me in all the same. Things went on uneventfully, afterwards, until the viva-voce came along.

 

I can talk- a lot. For hours at a stretch, to any random person, at any place, on anything and everything. But, somehow, despite this superhuman loquaciousness, viva-voce sessions aren’t exactly my cup of tea. I’ve only ever given them in two ways- one in which I sit around for a long time saying “Erm... Uhh... Hmmm... Dum tada dum dum”, and the other in which I very straightforwardly say “Honestly, sir- I have no idea.” This one was the former, and I even managed to screw up questions I had a semblance of an answer for.

 

Digital Electronics was up next. The viva was pretty early into the practical, and frustrated with the professor’s slow drooping voice, I resorted to answering questions in a snap, something which seemed to have perturbed the old man and I was sent off in less than five minutes. The LEDs meanwhile, decided to run my counter from 0-3 only, and some jugad later, I was out of the lab after another bad practical. The worst part was that the worst part was to follow.

 

Power Electronics is my M. Tech specialisation. The first course on it has been a nightmare. With the professor’s incorrigible hissing going un-understood and the promise of no attendance, this course has been quietly ignored all the while. The coordinator decides to make amends and conduct a practical exam. Bad idea- no one, including the professors themselves, has taken them seriously and from the first batch, it’s inferred a diagram with some seven transistors, three different ICs, a brand-new clock-timer (?) and some thirty-one resistors and capacitors is to be learnt by heart. No wonder it was called a firing circuit. I was lucky I got to work with only eleven resistors and capacitors and two ICs, but the other components duly made their mind not to help me. The viva-voce was good fun. I answered the first six questions admirably, and to the next three I said “I haven’t a clue, sir.” The nice guy that he was, the professor asked me to make an educated guess. “I don’t really think random guessing is going to help me in any way, sir. You need to know something to guess, don’t you?”, I snapped.

I don’t know why but I think he was impressed.

 

The end-semester theory exams follow, and I ironically feel relieved I only have to communicate by writing on an innumerable number of sheets. Of course, if I can.

 

P.S. - Old Monks this year has been great fun. While Lefty had one full of allusions, Moh meant business with his last quiz. Bang Bang and Chaukanna had a hilarious last one, and Dude's special was most memorable. Only he could've pulled it off!

 

P.P.S. – You’ve got to stick to your principles.