Mostly Harmless

The English language has never ceased to throw gentle surprises, dramatic shocks or globs of spit at learners it considers alien. While the Queen may grab the opportunity of the odd snort at the rookie addling his verbs and prepositions (I sat in the toilet seat and felt cold, so took out some tissues, you know), even the vim-filled boaster isn’t spared from the deep holes lurking in India’s secondary lingua franca (by assuming ‘enigma’ to be of Italian origin, making it an enema).

Even yours truly hasn’t been spared (almost) similar embarrassment. Having assumed the phrase to imply ‘logic, driven by sentiment’, I concluded a long argument as Class Monitor to ask the girls’ representative to attend the Student Council meeting by quipping “Come on now- for our posterity’s sake.” It took me a few years and a dictionary to figure out the wide-eyed stare and cold shoulders I was given ever since.

The school, though, was no stranger to such occurrences. After all, in its history of Physical Education Trainers, it had had one who strictly believed in the policy of students forming straight circles, while another’s voice had once bellowed through the quadrangle, screeching “All aaf you sould come with paalissed sooes and saacks from tomaarow!”. Then, there’s the unverified legend of a Class 4 kid explaining his misspelling of psychologist by exclaiming “Ma’am, I only forgot to P!”.

Somehow, it’s these little anecdotes that survive the relentless march of time over those twelve wonderful formative years. Not many would remember the Eshans and the Pushyamis, but the (deliberately?) misspelt ‘Assoul’ on the toilet walls remains as ageless as television’s Ba. And this very idiosyncratic human trait - endeared by some, and troublesome for others – is what keeps the smiles going for posterity’s sake.