Can United score? They ALWAYS score!

Electrical machines are almost always designed to work at a certain optimum load, a particular operation point. They have their maximum currents and maximum voltages, alright- but only rarely are they supposed to operate in such conditions. I believe our emotions are also designed to function the same way. It’s very rare for the average man to experience the apogee of happiness, the nadir of despair, the worst disgust or the greenest envy. More often than not, we're going through feelings best expressed by "He's got a daytime job; he's doing alright". But when machines are put into certain conditions for testing or specific applications, they go through their extreme conditions. Sometimes they heat up and get back to normal; at others, they implode. Again, the analogy can be extended to us human beings. Some say one of these tests or specific applications is love. I obviously can’t corroborate on that. I can give one other situation, though- a pot-boiler of a football game at a cauldron of a venue.

Although it’s being used too many times these days to start losing its sheen, there isn’t any better way to put it than Sir Alex’s golden words after that win- “Football. Bloody Hell.”

P.S.- Tunnel of Love from Dire Straits- Live at the BBC. Mashallah!

For a different breed of muggers

One of the activities a soul with as little an attention span as me tends to indulge in during the pre-test-series hullabaloo is repeatedly go online, and do what one always does when online. The past few days’ status-message-reading and mail-checking has been quite interesting. I was redirected to articles like these, and was reminded of the existence of this beautiful song. But, the one that caught my attention the most were a set of status messages on various lists compiled by Rolling Stone. Some were engaging, like the 100 best guitar songs’ latter half, while others were enraging, prime example being the 100 greatest guitarists list. Some more searching and surfing revealed lists like top 25 angry-at-girl-for-dumping-me songs, and the top 25 songs for a road trip. Mulling over this (as quite obviously, the working of induction motors had lost out comprehensively), I wondered what lists they’d missed out on, and the one that struck me first was the top songs for the bathroom. And, the jobless nut of the first order that I am, I also theorised that there should be two categories of the same.

The water heaters in both the bathrooms closest to my rooms have been put out of service for the summer, leaving people who love their hot water shampoos frustrated. This has consequently led to more and more buckets being left unused, and the showers groaning under the pressure (in some cases, literally). Bathroom singing, one of the most underrated art forms, has always been portrayed to be an act done under the shower. Countless movie songs, including the ubiquitous Thande Thande paani se, have been shown to be sung under the shower. It’s quite understandable, really. But, true bathroom singing enthusiasts never leave the show for only under the shower. The counterpart is a much more difficult task, what with the continuous mugging one has to keep up with, but with the right rhythm, and more significantly, the right song, the musical part of a bath can be preserved, and enjoyed.

So, taking the cue from the above findings, I present to you my top five non-shower bathroom songs.

5) Romeo and Juliet (Dire Straits): For those who can’t forget the pain of separation, that too in when it’s more bitter than the soap you might swallow to commit suicide, wallow in your pain, while the gentle beat and music set allows you to bathe rhythmically. If you wash your face at the end, this song’s perfect as you can shut up for the guitar/piano solo.

4) Zindagi Ek Safar (Andaaz): I’d sung this at the top of voice many times during the Our Bathrooms Have Talent series we had in first year. The yodelling comes out best when you have water flowing across your face, by the way. Plus, it’s a happy-go-lucky song that most bathroom singers love.

3) Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin): This one’s made for those with the niche tastes, the ones who like to be technically correct even if it takes swallowing some foam. Starting off slowly, picking up the pace through the middle, and finishing in a dramatic crescendo- some people just love their baths the same way. Plus, for those who miss the air-guitaring that’s an integral part of shower-singing, the drum solo makes an able substitution.

2) Phir Dekhiye (Rock On): Those who advocate shower-singing always say that their clients have the freedom of choosing their own pace, and considering that many contemplative songs have been portrayed under the shower (Awarapan in Jism and Mirza from American Desi being cases in point), they do have popular backing. But, even such songs, with the right pace, can always make it to a mug-and-bucket act, too. I can’t really explain this one; just try it and you’ll know why this one’s so high up on the list.

1) Highway to Hell (AC/DC): Bathroom singing is, ninety percent of the time, born out of nothing better to do. And what better to do than start jumping around crazily, shout at the top of your voice, and clear your road with this adrenaline-pumping song. The guitar solo’s too difficult for maximum amateur air-guitarists so you can wash your face as you admire that, and with you singing out aloud, the guy knocking your door waiting outside impatiently is gleefully asked to suck it. Two birds with one stone- perfect!

Apart from all reasons given in usual arguments, the best part about bathroom singing is that sometimes it actually is a strong reason for going for a bath. Can it get any better? What’re you waiting for, stinkface?